After Headlines About Her “Puffy Face,” Amy Schumer Wants People To “Stop Talking About Women’s Bodies”—So Here Are All The Times She’s Talked About Men’s Bodies

After a recent appearance on The Tonight Show, Amy Schumer sparked a viral Twitter thread speculating about her face, which appeared to be much “puffier” than previously. Some wondered if she’d gotten plastic surgery while others merely mocked her bloated appearance.

Shortly after, Schumer posted a scathing response on Instagram. In it, she claimed the puffiness was due to autoimmune disease and resented the fact that people were talking about her appearance rather than her new show, a burden “all women do for almost 20 years.” She also made an irrelevant claim that medical researchers have historically ignored women, and naturally the radical feminsts came out of the woodwork to berate society for talking about women’s bodies.

Since apparently this is a gendered issue, I thought I’d share all the times Amy Schumer herself has mocked men’s bodies.

Swipe Left For Short

In 2016, Amy Schumer made a video with Vanity Fair where she takes over a staff member’s Tinder account and helps her sort through prospective matches. Naturally, the outspoken body-positivity advocate mocks pretty much every man they look at, even ones they choose to like, and for as inconsequential of features as hair color.

However, the most infuriating part of the video comes when they come across a clearly attractive professional soccer player who Schumer knows. She rushes to inform the staffer that she’s taller than him, and they immediately swipe left.

The Worst Thing About Donald Trump Is His Tan

At a controversial show in Tampa, Schumer just recycled the usual quip that Donald Trump is “orange,” referring to his presumably fake tan. Regardless of your politics, you would think that it would be more important to criticize a politician for his policies rather than his appearance.

More importantly, Amy Schumer is a professional comedian. She couldn’t think of an original joke based on something else, especially when she supposedly hates body shaming?

The Super Funny Small Penis Joke

In 2015 Schumer appeared on Watch What Happens Live. Host Andy Cohen asked her who in Hollywood she believed had a “small dick.” In this case, she didn’t seem to protest talking about other people’s bodies and answered “Lawrence Fishburne” of all people. And while we might give her some amount of leeway since she was put on the spot, she decided to go the extra mile and continue: “If anyone is wondering, for the record, I would have gone with the guy whose name rhymes with cheramie scriven.”

But Big Pensises Are Also Terrible

It’s not just small penises that Amy Schumer likes to talk about. Again on Watch What Happens Live, she divulged to Andy Cohen that the rudest thing she’d ever done in the bedroom occurred when a man had a penis that was “too big.” This fits with her riff in Trainwreck where she came up with an incredible number of insults for a large penis. I wonder what she’d have to say about similar jokes about breasts.

Unmutilated Penises Are Gross

But what’s worst of all is that in that same clip, Schumer implies that she also left the man because his penis was uncircumcised.

In fact, Schumer has a number of jokes about uncircumcised penises. In one especially shocking bit, she implies that men should inform women if they’re uncircumcised, i.e. not mutilated from birth, ahead of time so she knows not to sleep with them. Ironically, she says, “I would tell you if I had an extra flap over my clitoris,” seemingly unaware that she does have an extra flap over her clitoris that was not removed because unlike male genital mutilation, that would be illegal in the US.

@brotherk_bloodstainedmen Amy Schumer was notorious for ridiculing intact men, then she married Chris Fischer, an intact man. They had a son in 2019. https://pagesix.com/2020/07/09/amy-schumers-husband-chris-fischer-is-uncircumcised/ #bloodstainedmen #circumcision #foreskinpride #mgm #intactivist #fyp #fypシ #fypage #fypage #humanrights #boysarebornperfect #endcircumcising #4skin #hisbodyhischoice ♬ original sound – Brother K

As a Bonus, Remember When She Joked About Canceling Father’s Day?

But it’s a joke! I don’t really get the joke, but fine. However, you’d think someone making jokes like that could handle some people laughing about her puffy face.